


Superheroes of the Round Table

by DoreyG



Category: Justice League & Justice League Unlimited (Cartoons)
Genre: Community: comment_fic, Crack, Gen, Gossip, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Starcrossed, Team Bonding, Team Dynamics, The Justice League are Gossipy BFFs and NOBODY SHALL TELL ME OTHERWISE
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-27
Updated: 2015-03-27
Packaged: 2018-03-19 21:45:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3625365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Yeah, but it’s <i>obvious</i>.”</p>
<p>“<i>Incredibly</i> obvious.”</p>
<p>“But not to Flash,” J’onn sighs, and passes a hand over his forehead – the others gathered at the table wince in sympathy. They’ve <i>all</i> had to put up with the ridiculousness of this for the past few months, “and, alas, it appears set to stay that way.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Superheroes of the Round Table

“Yeah, but it’s _obvious_.”

“ _Incredibly_ obvious.”

“But not to Flash,” J’onn sighs, and passes a hand over his forehead – the others gathered at the table wince in sympathy. They’ve _all_ had to put up with the ridiculousness of this for the past few months, “and, alas, it appears set to stay that way.”

“I don’t understand,” Diana blurts, and receives yet more sympathetic looks for her pain, “he seems so _obsessed_ with romantic matters. Why doesn’t he realize what’s right in front of him?”

“Because Batman is very good at his job?”

“And Flash is all mouth,” Green Lantern says darkly, to nods – some reluctant and some practically whiplash-inviting - around the table, “I love the kid, don’t get me wrong, but up until he met Diana-“

“And me,” Hawkgirl interrupts, elbowing him in the side.

“-And Hawkgirl, _yes_ , I’m pretty sure that he’d never actually _talked_ to a woman before. Let alone actually got close enough to try anything… Romantic.”

The table considers this. And then, in time, all look away to hide smiles.

“What do we do?” Hawkgirl is the first to break the ensuing silence, thumping her fist down in a way that makes the metal of the table – supposedly super strong – crumple, “I’m not sure that I can keep _living_ like this.”

“That’s a little dramatic, Hawkgirl…”

“No, J’onn, she’s right,” Diana sighs, and endures the surprised turning of four other heads remarkably well, “the last time we were a Javelin together, to examine a supposed murder in France… Well, The Flash got an ice cream from somewhere and we almost crashed in the Atlantic Ocean.”

“Same,” Superman offers, and then – in response to yet more surprised gazes: “well, _similar_. That monster in Metropolis last week, the one that almost knocked the roof off the Daily Planet-“

“That happens every five seconds,” Hawkgirl offers wryly, “we may need some more details.”

“-I almost got _crushed_ under it, because it knocked Flash into a building and Batman immediately went to help him out.”

“Poor baby,” Green Lantern sniffs, covertly low fiving Hawkgirl under the table, “the last time we went into space together I almost got crushed under a _planet_ because Flash bent over at the wrong moment. I mean, I know the kid has a great ass, _but_ …”

“This has to stop,” Hawkgirl sums up, nodding fiercely at both the ass comment and the conclusion, “this has to _stop_ , before one of us dies or I throw Batman into space for making those ridiculous doe eyes whenever Flash is in the room.”

“…Alright,” J’onn says placatingly. And, again in time with everybody else in the room, carefully moves his chair a little further away from Hawkgirl’s side of the table, “alright, I accept that there well may be a need for an intervention. Does anybody have any idea what we should do?”

There’s a long, echoing pause.

“We could-“ Diana starts brightly - and then frowns, sighs and sits back in her chair “…No, that’d never work.”

“We could lock them in a room together, barricade the door until Batman actually reveals his feelings?”

“My god,” Green Lantern says, perhaps a touch scornfully, “have you actually _met_ the man? We’d have to put them on their own planet for that to even have a _chance_ of working.”

“He’d find his way off that too, mark my words,” Hawkgirl says darkly, and both Superman and Green Lantern sigh and nod reluctantly in defeat, “what we _really_ need to do is put one of them in severe danger. People tend to confess their true feelings before they’re about to die, it’d work _wonderfully_.”

“I am starting to think,” J’onn offers gravely, “of forcing you to undergo anger management classes.”

“Hey!”

“All of these approaches will only make things _worse_ ,” Diana declares, to general – even from the wrathful direction of Hawkgirl – agreement, “why don’t we just _tell_ Flash, and let it go from there?”

“Tell me what?”

The table screeches several inches across the floor, as everybody spins around at once. The Flash, standing in the doorway and vibrating just slightly, doesn’t really seem to notice – only gives a cheery wave and a tilt of his head at their panicked expressions.

“Flash!” Superman is the first to find his voice, and everybody else breathes a long sigh of relief, “old buddy, old pal… _Chum_. We were just, uh, discussing how you’d won a prize! A really big, really special _prize_.”

“Really?”

“From a competition!” Green Lantern takes over, as Superman nods fiercely in the background, “you know how you enter all those competitions and it’s incredibly foolish and time-consuming and never pays off? Well, as it turns out-“

“It’s not so foolish and time-consuming and _did_ actually pay off?”

“In a word: yes,” Hawkgirl intervenes, and the entire table immediately tenses again, “we don’t know all the details, though, so you should probably go ask _Batman_ what’s going on.”

“Cool!”

“And then ask him out for some drinks, to a movie, back to your apartment afterwards…”

But her words, alas, are useless. Before she’d even started speaking Flash was already on his way, bolting through the Watchtower on a mission to find the Batman and discover his mysterious prize in all its glory.

“That,” J’onn starts, paused to consider the true majesty of his words “…Was a somewhat startling experience.”

“It buys us time, though,” Diana sighs, and very deliberately removes her hand from her heart to thump it firmly down upon the already dented table, “we must work out a plan before Flash realizes that there’s no prize, and returns wondering why on earth we were lying to him.”

“We must work out a plan before _Batman_ realizes there’s no prize, you mean,” Superman offers glumly, leaning heavily on the battered metal like it’s his only hope, “and comes to murder us all.”

“…Oh, _Shit_.”

The sentiment, as it is, echoes heartily around the table.


End file.
